Still One A.M. – J.H.Z.

Alone, at last! Slam the door shut, could as well leave it open, in our building only bicycles get stolen.

Alone, at last, with my beloved, at last the tyranny of the human face has disappeared, and I shall be the only cause of my suffering.

I retreat into the kitchen, to escape the singing of my wife, and through a sheer act of will I expel from the realm of my thoughts the muted voices of the ever quarreling neighbours.

Strange City. Strange Life! Let us recapitulate the day:

In the morning I was summoned to a meeting into the firm where I´m precariously employed. Distributed handshakes and heared some names in the same proportion, which I instantly forgot, knowing well I would meet them again in half a years time at the earliest. Was embarrassed by my possible mouth odor, having no health insurance and didn´t attend a dentist for a while. Introduced to a collague under the pretext that I too had studied economic education, and I replied: No, philosophy – whereas there were ahs and ohs, as if I just descended from the moon.

Someone was kind enough to ask me, who my favorite philosopher is, and when I said “Gilles Deleuze”, without the obligatory suffix “contemporary french philosopher”, he put on a deeply astonished face, as if it were my fault, that western philosophy continued after 1781. After all, obviously todays encyclopedists are seated in consultant companies for economy.

After the meeting I had lunch with my girlfirend, which we cooked together, whilst she meant, it´s ok to put it in the mouth, but a tergo only after the wedding, whereat I tossed in, that under this condition there probably won´t be one.

Later on we accepted an invitation to a film festival, where we ignored and were ignored by the same art students that already ignored us in our own art gallery. The movie was about pedophilia but drinking was the central theme, also the emotions were cooled down to sub-zero. Nobody smoked.

Afterwards I chatted with a friend about the connection between the world religions and the prohibition of drugs, whereupon my friend opined, that the masters and prophets left the drug use at the disposal of ones own state of consciousness.

Now, at home, how should I gather the grace to write some lines of code for my own project, which shall prove to myself that I am not inferior to those who have so much more money, and whom I understand better than they understand themselves.